FAQ: Wouldn't I be able to tell if someone I know is sexually abusing kids?

Many people feel certain that they would be able to tell if someone they knew were sexually abusing children. This belief is often founded in stereotypes about sexual offenders against children: that they are creepy single men in trench coats hanging around playgrounds, or clearly dysfunctional adults unable to form meaningful relationships with other adults. People feel they will just "know" an offender when one walks into the room because of this stereotype from mainstream films and television. Holding on to this stereotype allows people to believe that they don't know anyone who is sexually abusing children, since the people they like and talk with day to day certainly don't appear to them in this way.

But in real life, sexual offenders don't appear as they do in the movies. In fact, the majority of child sexual offenders are perfectly "normal" seeming adults or adolescents. Many offenders are seemingly nice, responsible people who may in fact love and otherwise protect the children around them. Child sexual abuse can coexist with love and affection, and many offenders convince themselves that they are not doing anything harmful to the child. Often those around them do not realize sexual abuse is happening precisely because they don't appear to be hiding anything, or to be harmful people. But offenders in fact intentionally hide sexual abuse. The majority of offenders forbid the child to tell anyone and threaten them with dire consequences if they do. Unless bystanders are trained to notice the signs of child sexual abuse and are able to have open conversations about the issue with those around them, it is relatively easy for offenders to hide what they are doing (for specific information about how to notice signs of abuse, see "Now that I know, what do I do?"). Because of the stereotypes about offenders, most people just assume that they don't know anyone who would sexually abuse a child and therefore don't pay much attention to the signs that may surround them.

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